All bets are off

Hey ladies, remember how I was talking about how the mommy wars aren’t really a thing  and how we need to respect each other and their choices. Well, I was naive.

When it comes vaccines and whether we choose to give them to our children or not, all bets are off.

What I’m saying is, it’s all #burnthewitch right now, especially now that everyone is talking about measles.

Now, even though this is as crunchy of a blog as they come, I’m not going to talk about pro versus con. I will not confirm nor deny whether I vaccinate Millie but those who know me know how I struggled with my decisions. What I am going to bring up is an episode of Arthur that aired awhile back

Such a while back, I was a kid when it aired. Before the Internet blew up, before Jenny McCarthy when the subject of vaccination was on the dl.

We’ve always has issues with it since they were instigated,  a popular symbol for the movement being Raggedy Ann, that loveable doll many of us had as kids.

Anyway in 1997, the Arthur episode “sick as a dog” aired, in which Arthur catches the chicken pox.  Nobody is overly concerned with how he got it, even though he was most likely vaccinated against it, the vaccine having been introduced in 1971. No one was really concerned that he had it. Grandma Thora simply went about the routine of treating it, like any old cold because it really wasn’t a big deal. Nobody in Arthur is saying it’s anyone’s fault that Arthur has it, that some unvaccinated child gave it to him, or that he’s doomed to die or have some terrible lasting effects. Arthur ‘ s main worry is that he’ll miss the circus, and his sister is jealous of all the attention she’s getting.  When she does catch it, again no one loses their minds. Even D.W. doesn’t,  and she’s missing the circus now. The episode ended with a quote I’ll never forget.

She says and I quote “the circus comes every year, but you only get the chicken pox once”.

This is 1997 on PBS, so I know everyone saw it who owned a TV. And at the time nobody gave a crap if you got it. It was a milestone,  if you got it, you got through it,  and from there your life moves on. Same with mumps, whooping cough, and dare I say, measles.

We have to keep that in mind. We have to remind ourselves to keep perspective, and more importantly CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

In other notes I got a new ring sling. It’s a Maya Wrap and it sure made my tax refund season. I love it so much but it takes some getting used to. I’m already grieving for my poor outgrown Moby. Pictures to come when I buy a new charger cord.

I’m back! !!!!

After a moment of having a decommissioned laptop battery I am back to stay.  I have a distinct hatred for lengthy touch screen typing so I am relieved to be back.

Earlier today, I was Facebooking, minding my own business and a suggested post for a Similac ad came up. I ignored it as I usually do things that don’t apply to me, like ads for viagra, free porn (I don’t watch porn but I thought all of it was free so why mention the price? Or is some the stuff you pay for like Hulu or Netflix? Anyway, I digress. )

It’s this one.

The Mother ‘Hood Official Video: http://youtu.be/Me9yrREXOj4

My first thought was wha?

I saw covered up breastfeeding moms, stroller moms, babywearing moms, working for a paycheck moms, stay at home moms, stay at home dads, formula feeding moms, moms with ergos or baby bjorns. It was like a Crips/ Bloods/ sharks/ jets/ affair and I laughed my butt off of course.  You can’t not laugh when a woman says nipple up ladies with a straight face. But then it occurred to me has this actually happened? Do people really fight about this?

At play dates with the baby wearers I see a group of moms laughing,  taking care of their kids, talking, but without fail I always see a couple stragglers quietly bottle feeding their kids shrinking away.  And I wonder, do we look intimidating? Are they afraid we’re going to scream breast is best at them? No. In a large group I feel secure in what I do. And so must they. In public away from any support,  and as a younger looking Latina mom, I feel the pressure they must feel. I have hunkered over my baby trying to be discreet.  I’ve gone into corners because I was certain my baby was going to be act out while feeding. But aside from a few side looks, some comments, and a few blankets thrown,  I haven’t been persecuted.

I’m not sure that the mommy wars is a real war. It’s more like a cold war. It’s not even. It’s just people afraid to be judged. Now don’t get me wrong, there are shitty people out there who love to judge. They thrive on it. But formula feeding mamas, non crunchy mamas,  can we just agree that they aren’t the majority? That they aren’t a reflection of who we are? Crunchy mamas, can we say that we just want to let people know what we do and whether they agree with us or not, we’re good?

Is it so hard not to be an us versus them situation?

Why do we even have the mommy wars?  When did this become a thing?

Let’s agree that being a parent is freaking hard.  That doing it means that you try all sorts of stuff until you find what works. Can we just be happy for each other when it does?

I’m reminded of a moment during a cousin’s wedding when i nipped downstairs to feed Millie in peace. There I found my cousin by marriage feeding her son. I situated myself in a rocking chair and we gossiped happily side by side her feeding her son me my daughter.  Did it occur to me that she was formula feeding? Sure. Did she notice that I was breastfeeding?  Hard not to notice. But it wasn’t a thing.

I’m going to say for the record that breastfeeding is incredible. Its benefits are too many to name and I would love if everyone would give it a shot and had the right support which is why I am such a big fan of LA Leche League.  But I wouldn’t condemn a person for not being able to continue. I’m not going to point and stare like it’s a zit on your forehead! I have my own zits to deal with!

It’s a Slippery Slope to Crunchiness…

and I’m enjoying the ride.

One thing they don’t tell you about being crunchy is that it really appeals to people who are both health minded and cheap.

I’m loving how little no-pooing costs plus how much it encourages my hair to grow. I’m still looking for a healthy sulfate-free baby safe shampoo that is gentle on my hair.

Ditto soap, but I’m using a little of Millie’s babyganics bodywash until I find something that works.

I’m switching healthcare providers for Millie based partially on location and partially because I had a mini heart attack that they wouldn’t let me do vaccines on a delayed schedule and they offered book recommendations on Dr. Ferber (The Cry it Out Guy whose advice I despise so much and who has been time and time again disproved by science). I’m praying this doctor is a little better but I want to interview her in the meantime.

And my fluff is coming in the mail! I’m so happy. Millie is getting a diaper stash for Christmas. 13 lovely BumGenius diapers, and a set of snappis for the prefolds I’ve already got.

I’m looking into finding a source for scoobies for kombucha although I’ve already lined up a guy for fresh raw milk, a couple health food stores, and a butcher. Still no word on a fish market.

Am I going nutty? Maybe a little over the top?

I don’t think so.

For me, having Camille opened my eyes how dangerous the world can be. There are chemicals in our food, make up, hair products, deodorant, toothpaste, vaccines…just thinking about raises the hairs on my arms (I’m not excessively hairy though. Just too busy to shave/ wax/ whatever. And still not certain if I should. It’s winter!) It’s the one bit I can do to make my baby a little safer, my family a little healthier, and my frazzled nerves a little calmer.

I’ve been slacking on my blog but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t nominate yourself or somebody else for Super Mommy Award! Requests do end Friday at Midnight so chop chop!

What would make my Crunchy Christmas:

1 Maya sling

Kombucha Continuous Brewing System

Juicer

Food processor

new amber necklace (for me)

diaper sprayer

new nursing camis

bpa free glass Tupperware like containers

herb starters

fruit bowl

Fingers crossed!

Super Mommy Award (at last!)

Tags

attachment parenting, baby, babywearing, bed sharing, breastfeeding, Farm, Farm Midwifery Center, homebirth, ina may gaskin, natural childbirth, water birth

I am so so SORRY! I was almost finished with this post when Millie deleted it! I freaked out but thank God Ray was home to play with her while I frantically retype.

Kirstenlaw is our Super Mommy of the Week, here pictured with 3 year old Ashleylyn (I hope I’m spelling that right! So cute with her big girl glasses!)

Anyhow Kirstenlaw’s family, like many families at La Leche League and here on this blog is “a cloth diapering, baby wearing, attachment parenting, extended breastfeeding kind of family”. While Kirstenlaw’s daughter is an older toddler, Kirstenlaw still baby wears and co sleeps with her, as well as nurses her. That’s a beautiful thing and it’s wonderful to see the kind of child that blossoms under the loving practices of attachment parenting. Ashleylyn is an active social child, who plays with others and it’s clear to see that far from producing the kind of spoiled clingy child older generations were warned that attachment parenting would create, there is a love and sense of trust that is beautiful to see.

Kirstenlaw had a rather traumatic birth with her firstborn. She initially wanted a home water birth but after acquiescing to her husband’s pleas for a “safer” birth at a hospital with midwives, she felt powerless.

                      They told us a bunch of bs and basically just did what the hospital said and nothing I wanted.  They made me feel option less and put me in pain for days.  I was on pitosen for 36 hours before I even had an epidural cause I was trying to achieve my natural birth goal and was given cytotec which is not approved for birth and has been known to have horrible outcomes including maternal death. My husband had to sleep on a small and uncomfortable bench for days and had to leave in the middle to care for our dogs. After my son’s birth experience I was very traumatized and there was no way I was going to a hospital if we had a second no matter what.

Kirstenlaw found healing in the birth of her daughter. Thanks to urging by some friends, she stayed at the Farm for two months prior to giving birth.

Now for those who don’t know, the Farm is run by Ina May Gaskin. It is a commune but the birth center is on of the most accredited and first opened in the U.S. It is called the Farm Midwifery Center and Kirstenlaw was privileged to be assisted in labor by one of their midwives, Stacie. She labored for 11 hours, in many positions but in the end Kirstenlaw got the water birth she asked for. After 30 minutes of pushing she welcomed her daughter into the world. It was a healing experience for her and I’m privileged to share it with you

Thank you!

Please note if you would like to be nominated or to nominate someone for Super Mommy, please indicate so in the comments or on the Facebook page or email me your story at lapin.diana@gmail.com Submissions for the week end Fridays at 12 am central.

Weekends are hell…

Tags

baby, family planning, kids, tandem nursing, trying to concieve, ttc

At least for me. I just feel so overwhelmed because Ray works on weekends, which are usually the only days we can get a sitter to have a date night.

And well, date night is usually the only night that we can, you know…

Sorry.

Don’t get me wrong I’m grateful for this job he has. It’s steady, it let’s Ray have the flexibility he needs, and further more it’s a job. And in this economy with the way things are, we’re fortunate.

I’m just seriously annoyed by the hours.

The world has made having babies expensive. With so many mothers turning to formula (at punishing prices) and disposables (which cost A LOT over time and a lot of them are powerless in the face of a M-Bomb) as well as all the gizmos and gadgets we’re told we have to have (Exersaucers! Fancy Strollers! Bouncers! that weird thing that looks like a slingshot with a seat!) it’s no wonder people are having less children and putting them off for later.

“I’m not ready for kids. I want to travel/ have fun/ have enough money/ first.”

That’s something I hear a lot.

And that’s fine. Some people need to, in the words of James Earl Jones from Coming to America “sow their royal oats”. Some people just aren’t the kinds of people to have kids (and good for them).

Let me just say this. And I’m going to say it twice, because people are stubborn and often don’t believe me.

YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY.

Ever.

YOU ARE NEVER EVER GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY.

So relax.

A silent bomb just went off in your head, but don’t worry I’ll explain.

In theory, you can do everything right. You do well at your job, get a nice engagement ring, get married, have a nice wedding, move into a great big house and then decide to start a family.

That’s when things get rocky.

If like many people, you discover that getting pregnant is not as easy as a broken condom in the backseat of the car, that nice salary gets stretched by fertility treatments, eggs being unfrozen, IVF, hiring a surrogate, international/ domestic adoption, cloning or whatever.

You think okay, I can do this. It’s over when the stick turns blue.

This is only the beginning my friends.

Once it turns blue, you are ushered into the world of maternity wear, birthing classes with fees attached, looking for a hospital or a birthing center, if you’re not birthing at home, and the terrible knowledge that not only do some insurance companies not cover birth, but they will only cover it if you do tons of paperwork and follow their guidelines to the letter.

Also maternity leave which in America sucks major donkey balls often only provide people with a measly 4 to 6 weeks, sometimes 8. It is often unpaid or only half paid and the subject of paternity leave is often undiscussed. Most daycares don’t take infants under 6 weeks.

Ah, I’m glad we came to daycare. Daycares have a high turnover rate, which means that perfect angel your son or daughter adores can quit on you at any moment, and should because they are underpaid and overworked. The “best” daycares (ap-friendly ones included) often have a waiting list that you have to pay to be on from the moment the stick turns blue or even a little before that!

Nannies are another choice and one I prefer. They can be more affordable than a top daycare and are only focused on your child or children. Still, they stretch a salary still further and your once comfortable, can do takeout whenever, taking a vacation every year, clean white leather furniture lifestyle is strained.

Sometimes the strain isn’t worth it so you instead

Stay at home. It’s sometimes the best thing especially if your child won’t take a bottle, your hours are inflexible, you can’t find childcare you feel comfortable or as is often the case, it is more expensive to be working than not.

Formula…I don’t even want to talk about it. Firstly, I’ve never personally bought it and second it’s a rant for another day. Ditto sposies.

And later…

Are you seeing a pattern here? Then it’s agony over preschool (unless you’re home or un schooling), elementary school, after school activities, clothing, peer pressure from your kids’ friends into keeping up with the Khans (dibs on new spoof reality tv idea!) and finally college.

It doesn’t get any better when you get any richer. It just means the schools are pricier, your kids’ friends have parents who make more money and there’s always one set of gullible sap parents who buy their kids everything without argument.

So what I’m saying is, relax. You’re never going to be completely ready to have kids so if you feel like it, do it.

Ray and I had this conversation earlier circling around when we will have a second child. It occurred to me that we wouldn’t spend nearly as much on this child as we did Millie because in a sense everything has already been bought.

I already have a pump, a moby, bottles, and a cosleeper. I breastfeed, I might need a couple more cloth diapers, and I already plan on using hand me downs for the next child, be it boy or girl. We have to wait medically until Millie is 18 months old, but tacked on to that is another 9 months of pregnancy. Plenty of time for Ray and I to finish our degrees, for him to get a better job and for us to buy a bigger bed.

Why not? I want Millie to experience a close bond without the jealousy an older child might feel. I feel if Millie is still nursing at that time they will be able to bond together over that.

Thoughts?

Oh, Super Mommy Awards are postponed until Saturday Night, but don’t worry they will be there!

Thank you!

Too Many To Do Lists!

Tags

attachment parenting, baby, gentle parenting, SAHM, stay at home mom

I’m almost positive that I am not the only one who does this.

The road to something I forgot is always paved with good intentions and while I’ve managed to keep Millie mostly away from the TV all day (there’s no avoiding it at dinner when Ray is home) I had intentions of doing my heavy duty cleaning list yesterday. It was beautiful and went as follows:

Wash sheets

Clean kitchen

Clean bathroom

Tidy up

Dust

Vacuum

Make dinner

Beautiful, right? It couldn’t possibly be unfinished by the end of the day. Once you strip the sheets you put them in the washing machine and clear the dishes right afterwards. Then put the sheets in the dryer.  Wipe down the counters, sweep and mop. Make up the bed then scrub the tub,  (i make ray at least clean the toilet. Why? It’s easy, quick, and he doesn’t have the highly sensitive nose I do that makes me gag at the smell of barbecue,  wood chips on school playgrounds, and the horrid scents that plague someone eye level with the Porcelain God himself) the sink, the counters,  clean the mirrors,  sweep and mop again. Then tidy up as you go along, dust with a clean rag, and vacuum.

It didn’t work out. Having a baby does that. But as an attachment parenting practicing parent, having patience is a part of life. I didn’t get to it today. But I will try again tomorrow. If I have to ask my husband to entertain the baby, if I have to do it while the baby sleeps, or if I have to strap her on my back. This is how we do it.

Remember to be nominated or have a mama you know nominated please either write down in the comment, PM me on the Facebook page, or email me at lapin.diana@gmail.com.

Screen Time: A Confession

Tags

attachment parenting, baby, cloth diapers, Cotton Babies, gentle parenting, Harper, Harper Lee, Mindful Parenting, screen time for kids, To Kill a Mockingbird

Ladies, I have a problem. Lately, my screen time has been at an all time high.

Since my husband has been working weekends I’ve been watching TV and being on the Internet on a constant basis like some crazy cat lady hoping for human interaction.

It’s gotten out of hand and I feel it’s starting to affect Millie. So I’m going to do something hard.

Starting immediately will only watch two hours of TV a day, only be on my computer to post and only check my phone when someone calls me or once every two hours.

This is going to be crazy but I’m doing it for Millie’s own good. Poor baby looks hooked and I feel like a terrible mother.

It’s a trap I’ve fallen into as an stay at home mother. The feeling of isolation and aimlessness are real and if I don’t make a schedule for us and try to go out, things don’t get done and I feel my inner control freak go beserk.

I’ve been trying to calm down, and I think doing this will be good for us. I feel like I will get more done, maybe relax more, and be a better spouse, parent, and friend when I limit my screen time.  Let’s see how it goes.

In other news,  I’m totally obsessed with diapers.  Cloth diapers. They’re just so darn cute!  I’ve been in the process of trying to create a stash and now I’m cracking out.

Facebook exploded in the crunchy world when Cotton Babies came out with the Harper, inspired by Harper Lee of To Kill A Mockingbird fame.

It’s downright adorable and already sold out so poop. Hehe.  Poop, get it? Ouch okay, no puns.

I’m looking into Snappis and diaper covers for the preforms I have along with the all in one’s I’m currently coveting. Let’s see how that goes.

I’m very proud of myself, I made an enormous batch of lactation cookies on Friday(the recipe is below) and they turned out awesome.

I have too many so I’m thinking of taking some to my peeps in LLL on Thursday.

The weather is cloudy with a chance of fish balls thanks to the unwelcome snow.  I wasn’t ready to use the snow suit my MIL bought for Millie but I guess I have to now. I need to buy a new carrier for winter now. Any suggestions?

Shout outs!

Thank you to Scribblesandcrumbs, Blogs N Fashion, purposeinmind, and mycleaneatingexperiment for subscribing! It is always gratifying for a blogger to be heard and it’s people like you who make it possible! Thanks to you, “We Are Not Amused” has been my most popular post and my best day!

Shout out to my BFF Alexis for coming to my rescue Thursday. I wasn’t sure if I could make it out of the house alive but she’s the one who made it happen!

Shout out to Gizz for being awesome and stopping by even though it was the one time that she could run errands without her kids. She even played with my child that’s incredible.

Lastly, thank you Joy for spreading the word about my blog through the power of Facebook and calling me a super mommy which is a phrase I’m using forever now.

Actually I think it’s a great idea. Once a week on Friday I’m going to give out a Super Mommy award. Tell me in the comments or email me at lapin.diana@gmail.com and tell me why you or your nominee is a Super Mommy!

Happy Tuesday, people!

We Are Not Amused

Tags

baby, breastfeeding, breastfeeding in public, breastfeedinng on demand, censoring, cue feeding, nursing in public, public breastfeeding controversy

My post Bad Day for Boob has been removed. I don’t know how, by who or why, all I know is that it’s gone. Ironic really, because I was complaining about being censored for breastfeeding in public. I’m upset, and sad. I put hard work into every post, and I put a lot into that one. On top of that, the photo I posted of Millie and myself was one I loved. That someone took it down hurts me deeply.

And so I’ve got a poem for you from Millie who dictated things.

Just like you I like to eat

and mama’s milk just can’t be beat.

I would drink it in a park

snuggled closed to Mama’s heart.

I would drink it here or there

I would drink it anywhere.

But when I’m hungry best be quick

because I won’t wait for my drink.

I don’t like it under a blankie,

a scarf, a jacket or a hankie.

It’s too hot and stinky under here

And I don’t like when mama disappears.

I don’t like it in a bathroom stall

My head or feet could touch the walls

If you had to eat with me

Would you care that it’s stinky?

My mama’s breasts are not cans,

or anything made by human hands.

My mama’s milk is the best

so could you give her a rest?

Let her sit down and feed me,

look into my eyes so sweetly,

let her feed me with no fuss,

no boos, hisses and no rush.

Because when you act mean to my mom

you’re acting like a public peeping tom.

Nobody’s looking except for you

because you’re the one who chooses to.

Please be kind to mamas who feed,

Look away and let them proceed.

When you support a mama you say “yes,

I believe that breast is best!”

Thank you people.

Tell me what you think, you’re welcome to share pics. I’m thinking of hiring a photographer to take a breastfeeding session of me and Millie, I want to record the beautiful memories we’ve had.

In the meantime, please enjoy this lovely comic strip.

In the Moby…

Hey guys, this has been a crazy week but Friday managed to be crazy productive. I got the whole house clean, I organized the crap out of my closets, did all the laundry, baked bread, cooked dinner, and cleaned my kitchen and bathroom. All because my baby was snuggled in her daddy’s marvelously warm embrace.

Attachment parenting papas often wonder what it is they can do to be part of their child’s life. After all they can’t give birth, can’t breastfeed, and in the case of my husband, he can’t baby wear. We just haven’t found the right one. But Millie will snuggle with him and love it, at least till she gets hungry.

I kinda made up a song in my delirium…

In the Moby
Yes, you can nurse with great ease
In the Moby
Yes, it puts Mama’s mind at ease
In the Moby
Come on now fall asleep as we planned
In the Moby, in the Moby
Can’t Daddy see I need a hand
In the Moby
Come on surrender to dreamland
In the Moby
Come on and join your fellow man
In the Moby
You know at night the family bed is better than
In the Moby, in the Moby, in the Moby (in the Moby)

Mom wants you, Dad wants you
to fall asleep so they can have Absolut.

Followed by some pumping and dumping of course.

I think this song is going to be a hit.

Motherhood: A Before and After

Tags

attachment parenting, baby, gentle parenting, no poo, post baby, pre baby

A dear friend and family member and I were talking about how things have changed for us since we had kids.

It’s kind of a funny story. She and I got pregnant within 3 weeks of each other and would talk about the unstoppable cravings we had, the maternity clothes we had to buy, the weight gain we mourned, and the perks/problems related to our new bra sizes. We bought baby things, she attended my baby shower (I tried to attend hers but I couldn’t afford the trip) and I even texted her during her labor. (everyone has their own way of coping okay?)

Both her and my babies were the first grandchild, mine the first granddaughter, hers the first grandson.

But yesterday we were talking about how much has changed in the past year. not just with our babies but with us.

I can only illustrate with pictures

Pre-baby

 

 

Pre-baby Ashley did not emerge from the house without a protective coating of natural makeup, hair done, an impeccable outfit, jewelry, and often a fashionable hat. She was always early even when she was late. She always had time for other people and loved shopping, writing, painting, and reading junky romance novels. She enjoyed a passionate sex life with her husband and was up for anything.

Then along came Millie and with her came the birth of…

Post-Baby Ashley

Post-Baby Ashley considers showering a luxury, much less hair and make up. Having forgone the “Mom Haircut” (for those not in the know, it’s a short helmet like haircut, see Doris Day, most sitcom moms, even early Michelle Obama) her hair lives in a braid or a ponytail if it’s brushed at all. Post-Baby Ashley is more eco-friendly, no-pooing (which is easier than you think with a baby) and doesn’t wear much more than moisturizer (coconut oil) and barely manages to exfoliate (honey) or brush teeth (baking soda, water, more water). Post-Baby Ashley’s hobbies include reading parenting books and scary articles about the dangers of vaccines and household products and sometimes junky romance novel. She hasn’t painted since before she was pregnant with Millie, she hardly writes except for to-do lists and the occasional blog post, and is more likely to be found grocery shopping than shoes shopping. Come to think of it, she hasn’t bought a single pair of shoes since Easter! Post-Baby Ashley is lucky to get a deep kiss, much less sex thanks to terribly uncomfortable couches and a baby who wakes up mid-coitus. But above all, Post-Baby Ashley has little time for bullshit. That includes drama mamas, people who push their parenting advice on her, people who subtly tell her to cover up and go to another room while breastfeeding, and far too slow traffic lights when her baby is crying and she’s experiencing fast letdown.

Yes Post-Baby and Pre-Baby Ashley are very different but the core is still there. Underneath my super-multitasker, homemaking, badass mama persona is a sexy beast of a woman with interests and hopes and dreams who wears fabulous four inch heels and sucks down a rum and coke or a glass of wine depending on her mood. Every now and again, I need to remind myself of that.

Show me your before and after pics of mamahood!