At least for me. I just feel so overwhelmed because Ray works on weekends, which are usually the only days we can get a sitter to have a date night.
And well, date night is usually the only night that we can, you know…
Sorry.
Don’t get me wrong I’m grateful for this job he has. It’s steady, it let’s Ray have the flexibility he needs, and further more it’s a job. And in this economy with the way things are, we’re fortunate.
I’m just seriously annoyed by the hours.
The world has made having babies expensive. With so many mothers turning to formula (at punishing prices) and disposables (which cost A LOT over time and a lot of them are powerless in the face of a M-Bomb) as well as all the gizmos and gadgets we’re told we have to have (Exersaucers! Fancy Strollers! Bouncers! that weird thing that looks like a slingshot with a seat!) it’s no wonder people are having less children and putting them off for later.
“I’m not ready for kids. I want to travel/ have fun/ have enough money/ first.”
That’s something I hear a lot.
And that’s fine. Some people need to, in the words of James Earl Jones from Coming to America “sow their royal oats”. Some people just aren’t the kinds of people to have kids (and good for them).
Let me just say this. And I’m going to say it twice, because people are stubborn and often don’t believe me.
YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY.
Ever.
YOU ARE NEVER EVER GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY.
So relax.
A silent bomb just went off in your head, but don’t worry I’ll explain.
In theory, you can do everything right. You do well at your job, get a nice engagement ring, get married, have a nice wedding, move into a great big house and then decide to start a family.
That’s when things get rocky.
If like many people, you discover that getting pregnant is not as easy as a broken condom in the backseat of the car, that nice salary gets stretched by fertility treatments, eggs being unfrozen, IVF, hiring a surrogate, international/ domestic adoption, cloning or whatever.
You think okay, I can do this. It’s over when the stick turns blue.
This is only the beginning my friends.
Once it turns blue, you are ushered into the world of maternity wear, birthing classes with fees attached, looking for a hospital or a birthing center, if you’re not birthing at home, and the terrible knowledge that not only do some insurance companies not cover birth, but they will only cover it if you do tons of paperwork and follow their guidelines to the letter.
Also maternity leave which in America sucks major donkey balls often only provide people with a measly 4 to 6 weeks, sometimes 8. It is often unpaid or only half paid and the subject of paternity leave is often undiscussed. Most daycares don’t take infants under 6 weeks.
Ah, I’m glad we came to daycare. Daycares have a high turnover rate, which means that perfect angel your son or daughter adores can quit on you at any moment, and should because they are underpaid and overworked. The “best” daycares (ap-friendly ones included) often have a waiting list that you have to pay to be on from the moment the stick turns blue or even a little before that!
Nannies are another choice and one I prefer. They can be more affordable than a top daycare and are only focused on your child or children. Still, they stretch a salary still further and your once comfortable, can do takeout whenever, taking a vacation every year, clean white leather furniture lifestyle is strained.
Sometimes the strain isn’t worth it so you instead
Stay at home. It’s sometimes the best thing especially if your child won’t take a bottle, your hours are inflexible, you can’t find childcare you feel comfortable or as is often the case, it is more expensive to be working than not.
Formula…I don’t even want to talk about it. Firstly, I’ve never personally bought it and second it’s a rant for another day. Ditto sposies.
And later…
Are you seeing a pattern here? Then it’s agony over preschool (unless you’re home or un schooling), elementary school, after school activities, clothing, peer pressure from your kids’ friends into keeping up with the Khans (dibs on new spoof reality tv idea!) and finally college.
It doesn’t get any better when you get any richer. It just means the schools are pricier, your kids’ friends have parents who make more money and there’s always one set of gullible sap parents who buy their kids everything without argument.
So what I’m saying is, relax. You’re never going to be completely ready to have kids so if you feel like it, do it.
Ray and I had this conversation earlier circling around when we will have a second child. It occurred to me that we wouldn’t spend nearly as much on this child as we did Millie because in a sense everything has already been bought.
I already have a pump, a moby, bottles, and a cosleeper. I breastfeed, I might need a couple more cloth diapers, and I already plan on using hand me downs for the next child, be it boy or girl. We have to wait medically until Millie is 18 months old, but tacked on to that is another 9 months of pregnancy. Plenty of time for Ray and I to finish our degrees, for him to get a better job and for us to buy a bigger bed.
Why not? I want Millie to experience a close bond without the jealousy an older child might feel. I feel if Millie is still nursing at that time they will be able to bond together over that.
Thoughts?
Oh, Super Mommy Awards are postponed until Saturday Night, but don’t worry they will be there!
Thank you!